I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
