all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
