My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
