don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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