9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
