God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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