Your tits are I can't wait for
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
