i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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