you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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