well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
