I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
