It's Friday. Sex?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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