you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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