First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
