he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize