She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
NoShamevember. You game?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
