every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.