A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
