Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father