Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you never un-have a 4some
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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