My room smells like vodka and shame
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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