Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
