literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
