Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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