I wanna bring you to show and tell
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
