they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
