Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
