when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
