I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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