Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
