I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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