she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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