through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
