Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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