It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
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Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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