I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
