It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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