If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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