hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
