i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
