shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.