My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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