I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
