i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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Did I show you my penis last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.