I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
