From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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