Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
