at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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