Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
