Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
