We won't sleep together?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
