Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
