Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
