well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
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I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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