she was so not down for the gang bang
We got so high we made milksteak
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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