If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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