ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
