Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
