I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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