Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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