I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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