Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
