You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize