at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
