You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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