You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
