Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
