Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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