you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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