Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i've created a new STD.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
