I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
