Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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