She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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