I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
